Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
