My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
