peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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