now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
