let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
