Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
