i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
