I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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