can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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