He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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