Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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