Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
