why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
