we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
