i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
