Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
