I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
