dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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