Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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