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Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
