i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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