So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
