oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
