I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
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Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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