the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
