You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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