Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just want nice things and good sex
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
