I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
