You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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