I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
