do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
