oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
