He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
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I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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