haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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