I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
