I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
