dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
