Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
