It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
