good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
