Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
