problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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