i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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