Your dad touched me again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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