Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
