I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
