nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
