It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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