Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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