I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
