I hope mine doesn't look like that
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
