some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
