I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize