ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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