My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
