Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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