If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
