I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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