Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
