Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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