I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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