Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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