dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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