Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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