remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
