I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
