i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
