after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
