i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
