Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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