Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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