Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
