Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
