i love accidental penises.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I will be naked everywhere
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Randomize
