I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
