the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
