I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
