Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The uberlube is also flammable
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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