So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
50% drunk capacity currently
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
