I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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