2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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