Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
