She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
