and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
