I have demons in me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
