dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
