i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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